All we can do
by Tsundrrr
Summary: ...He couldn't shoulder Erwin's troubles anymore than Erwin could erase his nightmares, but they could could keep each other focused on their goal... Erwin grieves for the dead in the only place he can where no one will see his pain, but Levi knows what he's doing [Inspired by someone's headcanon] Could be Eruri? please review!


**Okay so here's another Erwin and Levi fic (more like ficlet...but whatever). The inspiration for this one came from something someone said on tumblr about Erwin grieving for all of the dead soldiers.**

**I honestly couldn't figure out how exactly to end this though so I did my best. I really hope you like it (please review! o(**｡≧ _ ≦｡**)o **)

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"Erwin"

Levi barged into his commander's bedroom without a second thought, throwing the door open carelessly and stepping into the darkness, his nose wrinkling at the somewhat musty smell of Erwin's quarters. Didn't he ever clean?

But of course not, Levi reminded himself as he moved further into the room. Erwin hardly had enough time to sleep.

...And yet he was clearly in bed right now.

Levi sighed in exasperation, ready to kick the commander out if bed if he had to...how dare he be sleeping while he-Levi-had been forced to drudge through paperwork, the already tedious task made worse by his lack of practice reading. something _he_ didn't have time for.

"Erwin you need to wake up"

Levi tried calling the man's name again, his voice a somewhat gentle whisper that was barely loud enough to hear.

Despite his annoyance he knew how much Erwin needed sleep and he really didn't want to be the one to wake him and tell him that he needed to go speak to the politicians again about funding. _Those pigs._

Erwin had enough on his shoulders already. He was already dealing with the hate of the people...The stupid, _stupid_ hate of the citizens they were giving their lives to protect.

Levi clenched his first, his eyes locked on Erwin's form under the blankets.  
The man was lying on his side, his body bent into a partial fetal position. Something he only did when...

Levi stepped forward, placing one knee on the bed for balance as he reached out to grip what he hoped was Erwin's shoulder. It was impossible to tell under the blanket

"Oi"

He called, shaking the cloaked form

"Erwin"

There was no response and he bit back the annoyed growl that rose in his throat.  
He was so tired of dealing with this...but it wasn't even Erwin's behavior that was so aggravating it was the situation. _The whole awful situation that was causing this to happen._

"I know you're not sleeping Erwin. Are you listening to me?!"

This time Erwin did respond, shifting under Levi's hand to let him know that no, he wasn't asleep and yes, he had heard. But still he didn't really do anything

"Enough with the games Erwin!"

Levi practically shouted, jerking the blanket away from Erwin's face in one swift motion.

He knew what the commander was doing-he'd seen him like this before-and it made him mad.

Mad at the stupid people in the city who didn't understand, mad at himself for not being there to listen to Erwin's problems, mad at everything, mad at Erwin for shutting himself off in the first place...

Erwin reached up and and grabbed Levi's hand to prevent the short captain from backing off of the bed as he turned over onto his other side, his grip firm as he forced Levi to stay in his current position; his body half leaned over Erwin's prostrate form.

"I'm sorry Levi"

Erwin's voice was husky as he spoke and Levi stiffened.

Even in the darkness he could see the tear stains on Erwin's face, the torment obvious in his deep blue eyes.

Levi gave an aggravated grunt as he attempted to pull his hand out of Erwin's grip, scowling at the man when his grip only tightened.

"This isn't funny Erwin"

But he wasn't sure if he was talking about Erwin's hand on his or the tears in his eyes. Neither of them were right and both _ached_

Erwin said nothing as he stared into Levi's eyes, his gaze penetrating before he slowly let go of Levi's hand, falling back into the soft pillows around his head with a look of apology on his face as he gave the captain his personal space back.

"No..."  
Levi wasn't sure why he said that as Erwin's grip loosened, it had just come out automatically.

_Was it because Erwin had misunderstood the reason for his harsh attitude? Did that man only think of others? But he knew that's how it was. Erwin had been like that from the beginning, setting all personal things aside for the sake of others._

_Ironic._ Levi noted, a sour taste in the back of his throat. Because his thinking of others was why he had been curled up in bed like a child, mourning the lives of all the soldiers they had lost. Crying in private because he couldn't show weakness in front his soldiers even when those those soldiers themselves wept openly.

"No?" Erwin echoed, confused. His voice breaking Levi's stupor.

Levi sighed and sat down on the side of the bed, leaning against Erwin's broad chest and pulling his bare feet up onto the sheets, drawing his knees to towards himself

"You misunderstood what I meant" He mumbled, his expression blank as he stared at the emptiness in front of him.

Erwin raised his head a little, his expression still confused but he didn't say anything, choosing instead to wait for Levi to explain.

Levi saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to look at his commander, wincing as he noticed the dark bags under Erwin's eyes-like two bruises on his skin...

_It wasn't right._

"Can you really afford to spend time crying over the dead?" He blurted out suddenly.,

Seeing Erwin's face; his tears and suffering infuriated him.

"We're supposed to focus on the future aren't we?"

His back was stiff against Erwin's torso as he glared pointedly at the man beside him

"Who gave you the right to cry about the loss?!"

His words came out harsher than he'd intended and he fell silent as he saw the expression of hurt that came into Erwin's eyes, his first clenching in the darkness as he tried to control the hot anger boiling inside his veins.

There was a long pause and then...

"I'm sorry"

Guilt swelled in Levi's stomach as Erwin spoke. He should be the one apologizing, not Erwin.

But how could he make Erwin understand why he was so upset?

Erwin was the one who always had the right things to say, not him. He was just a tool, humanity's strongest soldier. He had never had a need for words, not until now.

He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he hesitantly reached his hand out to touch Erwin's face, gingerly wiping away the tear strains with the tips of his fingers.

His gentle display catching Erwin completely off guard.

"It's not going to bring them back you know"

Levi spoke in a low, empty voice and Erwin reached up to take Levi's hand, their fingers intertwining automatically.

"Those men are dead...they died for a good cause"

Erwin said nothing, not even moving as he listened to Levi recite the familiar words. _How many times had he been the one saying them to another soldier, to Levi?_

. . ."All we can do in the end is move on and keep fighting so their deaths won't be in vain". . .

Levi trailed off, hoping that somehow the little he said was enough.

He couldn't shoulder Erwin's troubles anymore than Erwin could erase his nightmares, but they could could keep each other focused on their goal, keep each other from getting lost in the abyss of sorrow, keep each other strong...and maybe, maybe even provide some comfort for the other when he needed it the most.

And if that was all he could do then he would do his best.

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End


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